A New Addition

In August of 2012, something very joyful happened.  Something so joyful, the experience consumed just about every ounce of energy I could muster (in a good way).  Our family busted right out of its comfortable seatbelt limit of seven to become an incredible eight.

Our addition?  A son.

Samuel is still our baby -- the little brother, but on the other end of the sprectrum we now have a BIG brother.  He's tall and thin and green eyed.  His name is Nate, but once upon a time (almost nineteen years ago to be exact), he was my Zachariah...my first born.

How on earth did this happen?!  Last year, I faced the reality that the little boy I placed for adoption so many years before would be an adult.  This wasn't an easy thing to open my eyes to.  I felt great anxiety at the idea of his coming in to my life -- would he be angry?  would he accept the differences from what he's known?  would he only want a cursory meeting and then pull back into the world he knows?  would my second marriage weather the storms it was facing or was it more likely that he would find me in the mess of another divorce?  was the timing right for my other children?  The concerns were endless, really. 

But then, I dived...

You can imagine my frustration in finding out that Utah state raised the age for adoptees/birth parents to search for each other from 18 to 21 years old. But, I did find a national adoption registry www.adopteeconnect.com which allows someone who is searching to list the state, a message and a permanent email address.  Guess who found it a few months later with a single google search!?!

Poor guy had to wait for me for a few days because I had gone camping for a few days.

When I checked my inbox, my eyes dropped down to "Response to your adoption registry listing".  I couldn't breathe.  I had a response!  But I went into super cautious, terrified at what was coming mode:

My message:

"I would like to meet the young man who was once my firstborn baby in my arms. He was born on January 10, 1994 in Brigham City, Utah. He was placed 56 hours later with his parents at LDS Social Services in Logan, Utah."

His response:


Well, that happens to be my birthday and my birthplace.

Oh friends!  I spent the next few minutes responding with cautious questions, listing everything I could remember about the one I placed and his parents I had met briefly in an office of the LDS Social Services.  I hit send and went back to my inbox to see what other business I had missed, but there was another "Response to your adoption registry."

Maybe you didn't get the first message, or maybe i'm just really impatient! But I think you're who i'm looking for!

This message included a link to a facebook page.  I immediately opened facebook and went to his link.  The moment I saw his face I KNEW I was beholding the very person my heart had longed to see again -- so many prayers, so many hopeful happy wishes sent out into the wide open in search of someone with a new name and his own family.  And there he was.

I sent a friend request and a note: If I had come here first, there would have been no question. Within moments, a chat window opened and we were having a conversation. Needless to say that I was completely useless as an employee that day.  Oh my goodness, the crying, the cheering!  The whole office knew within a short span of time.  The joy was incredible -- completely indescribable.

At the end of the day, I messaged him my number "just in case" and had a text reply to my cell phone "just in case"...Of course, I will tell you more, but for now, you will all know that when I am talking about NATE he isn't a boyfriend or an odd neighborhood kid.  He's part of our family.  It might be complicated, but love always grows out in all directions and I have really long arms.