My daughters left me last night.
I drove home from work, hating traffic and the length of the drive because I knew the basketball game would be over...here's mom -- taking one for the team. As I reached my house, I saw that the ex was there. I figured he was dropping people off. Bethany came up to my car door, which I had opened with a big smile on my face asking, "How was the game?"
"I'm leaving. I can't stay here anymore or I'll punch someone in the face."
Brilliant.
James was in the kitchen doing dishes letting Samuel know that if he wanted gummy worms, he had to clean up his toys first. I jumped right in after "Mom's home!" kisses and took the little ones to their room to clean up. James told me the story from the kitchen. He bought a tree stand, but decided to wait for all of us to pick out a tree (he'd like a real one this year.) He wanted to surprise me with a clean house (because no one -- besides me -- has done anything to be responsible for their own messes or anyone elses since I had to go to work...take that MOM! WE HATE YOU FOR GOING TO WORK!)
What AWFUL thing did he do?
Well, Bethany came home to tell me... "Mom, I feel really frustrated and angry right now that James would be so disrespectful. He told me I had to do a chore, Mom, or I couldn't get on the computer. Mom, I have a C+ right now and I need to get online and check this website to bring up my grade."
"Well, darlin', if you don't have time to be responsible in our home and your grades are suffering, maybe you shouldn't play basketball."
"Mom, I go to basketball everyday so I can get away from this house! I don't think it's fair that James took away the computer like he's god."
"Bethany, I agreed with the decision to add a password to the computer. I think that if you had just thrown your hands in and done a 10 minute tidy, you could have cleaned, finished your homework and be chatting online with your friends by now, but you left."
"I had to leave to blow off some steam or I was going to punch James in the face!"
"If you can't respect my husband or follow the rules in our home..." Dear God, did I just say that? I was completely calm and totally helpless. Her dad was outside waiting to "rescue" her. But, how could I possibly beg her to calm down or cave in to her teenaged tantrum? My husband didn't do anything wrong. And, I promise, I have found plenty to criticize in his step-parenting attempts (really people, take a child development class first!) But, none of the child development classes could have prepared me for this.
Two of my daughters are runners. They have no idea how to have a healthy relationship or communicate a disagreement in a way that they receive or have empathy for the other side. None. I am terrified for their futures. And I'm heartbroken for right now. It's the middle of the night. My head aches, I'm dizzy and sick to my stomach. But, I'm not coming down with anything. It is the loss. I am abandoned. Decades of putting my whole self in = zero.
When I took this job, I asked for the custody arrangement to be different. I miss them so much. And they wouldn't. They don't want to have anything to do with me...like I'm a disease.
I drove home from work, hating traffic and the length of the drive because I knew the basketball game would be over...here's mom -- taking one for the team. As I reached my house, I saw that the ex was there. I figured he was dropping people off. Bethany came up to my car door, which I had opened with a big smile on my face asking, "How was the game?"
"I'm leaving. I can't stay here anymore or I'll punch someone in the face."
Brilliant.
James was in the kitchen doing dishes letting Samuel know that if he wanted gummy worms, he had to clean up his toys first. I jumped right in after "Mom's home!" kisses and took the little ones to their room to clean up. James told me the story from the kitchen. He bought a tree stand, but decided to wait for all of us to pick out a tree (he'd like a real one this year.) He wanted to surprise me with a clean house (because no one -- besides me -- has done anything to be responsible for their own messes or anyone elses since I had to go to work...take that MOM! WE HATE YOU FOR GOING TO WORK!)
What AWFUL thing did he do?
Well, Bethany came home to tell me... "Mom, I feel really frustrated and angry right now that James would be so disrespectful. He told me I had to do a chore, Mom, or I couldn't get on the computer. Mom, I have a C+ right now and I need to get online and check this website to bring up my grade."
"Well, darlin', if you don't have time to be responsible in our home and your grades are suffering, maybe you shouldn't play basketball."
"Mom, I go to basketball everyday so I can get away from this house! I don't think it's fair that James took away the computer like he's god."
"Bethany, I agreed with the decision to add a password to the computer. I think that if you had just thrown your hands in and done a 10 minute tidy, you could have cleaned, finished your homework and be chatting online with your friends by now, but you left."
"I had to leave to blow off some steam or I was going to punch James in the face!"
"If you can't respect my husband or follow the rules in our home..." Dear God, did I just say that? I was completely calm and totally helpless. Her dad was outside waiting to "rescue" her. But, how could I possibly beg her to calm down or cave in to her teenaged tantrum? My husband didn't do anything wrong. And, I promise, I have found plenty to criticize in his step-parenting attempts (really people, take a child development class first!) But, none of the child development classes could have prepared me for this.
Two of my daughters are runners. They have no idea how to have a healthy relationship or communicate a disagreement in a way that they receive or have empathy for the other side. None. I am terrified for their futures. And I'm heartbroken for right now. It's the middle of the night. My head aches, I'm dizzy and sick to my stomach. But, I'm not coming down with anything. It is the loss. I am abandoned. Decades of putting my whole self in = zero.
When I took this job, I asked for the custody arrangement to be different. I miss them so much. And they wouldn't. They don't want to have anything to do with me...like I'm a disease.
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